the day after is always just damage control
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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