respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
