I'm lost and stupid without you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
