You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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