It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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