is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
