Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
