is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
