Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
