I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize