I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I will pee on everything he values.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
