dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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