I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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