I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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