names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
