You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
