Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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