Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
