if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Damn victory sex feels great
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize