If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
