Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
