do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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