that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
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