she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
