I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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