I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
