On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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