This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
