You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
