how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
