Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
