I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize