obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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