It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize