Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
