Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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