So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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