Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
