what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
