sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
