Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
