i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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