dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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