what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize