She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
