I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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