Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
