my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
