You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
