My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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