"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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