i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize