I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
