from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
