you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
