the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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