Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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