I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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