spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
