Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
