the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
