i permit you to call me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
