Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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