i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
