Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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