I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
