hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
