just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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