well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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