just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
