the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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