Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I could fuck to npr.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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