oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What happened to fro yo and sex?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drake has all the answers
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize