You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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