I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Two words: nipple clamps
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