I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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