I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
