can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My bed smells like the plague
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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