i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
