Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
