he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
