Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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