I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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