Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
