I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
