We're facebook friends in real life
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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