You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
