remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
