STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize