i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize